Each and every time I read or hear on the mass media about a child being sexually abused, my heart breaks! This is a preventable tragedy!! As a Paediatrician, I have had cause to see children that have been sexually abused. It often leaves one traumatized, so how about the victim? The damage is often life long. The message i have for you my reader today is simple –
“Together, we can prevent our children from being sexually abused!”
A child’s safety and protection from sexual abuse is an adult’s job. Though we also teach children how to keep themselves safe from sexual abuse – and that is important for them to learn – but it is NO SUBSTITUTE FOR ADULT RESPONSIBILITY! This post is to create awareness and give you simple tips on how you can contribute your part as a mum, dad or responsible adult in the society in preventing this disaster.
What is child sexual abuse?
- Any sexual act between an adult and a minor (child below age of sexual consent) or between two minors when one exerts power over the other.
- Forcing, coercing or persuading a child to engage in any type of sexual act. This, of course, includes sexual contact. It also includes non-contact acts such as exhibitionism, exposure to pornography, voyeurism and communicating in a sexual manner by phone or Internet.
- An agonizing and traumatic experience for its victims.
- A crime punishable by law. Lagos State of Nigeria Criminal Law Section 137 states “Any person who has sexual intercourse with a child is guilty of a felony and is liable to imprisonment for life.”
Child sexual abuse happens in families, but also in organizations. Children brave terrible abuses alone, and repeatedly, often with no protection. Sometimes adults have simply lacked prevention knowledge, or not had the awareness to recognize signs. Sometimes we’ve dismissed gut feelings, and missed opportunities for courage. Some have covered up sexual abuse at the expense of our children. We can uncover and prevent child sexual abuse – child by child. It is your and it is my and our collective responsibilities to protect our children.
Darkness2Light, a Non-Profit Organization that seeks to empower adults to prevent child sexual abuse has developed an approach they call the “5 STEPS TO PROTECTING OUR
CHILDREN” which I think is simple and easy enough for anyone to follow in this war against child sexual abuse. You can read more about this and download the free manual on their site here
Here are 5 STEPS TO PROTECTING OUR CHILDREN from child sexual abuse.
STEP 1: LEARN THE FACTS
1 in 10 children are sexually abused.
- This means realities rather than blind trust should influence our choices regarding children’s safety from sexual abuse. It is likely that you know a child who has been or is being abused.
- Experts estimate that about 1 in 10 children are sexually abused before their 18th birthday.
- Youth are the victims in 66% of all sexual offenses reported to law enforcement.
- Youth are 2.5 times more likely to be raped than adults.
- About 40% of victims are 11 years old or younger.
- 9% of 10-17 year olds receive a sexual request while on the Internet.
In Nigeria, though we do not have statistics but a casual surveys of our newspapers headlines as
It’s also likely that you know an abuser.
The greatest risk to children doesn’t come from strangers, but from people we know and trust.
- 90% of children who are sexually abused know their abuser.
- 30% are abused by family members.
- 60% are abused by people the family trusts. Those who abuse gain access to the child in a school, church, sports club, etc. and often move into a position of trust within the family.
- Only about 10% are abused by strangers.
- 40% are abused by older or larger youth, like babysitters or cousins
- People who sexually abuse children often go out of their way to appear trustworthy.
Sexually abused children are more likely to experience serious consequences during childhood and throughout their lives.
Some of these are:
- Post traumatic stress disorder.
- Anxiety and depression.
- Substance abuse.
- Aggression, oppositionality, and defiance.
- Criminal behavior and violent offenses.
- Sexual Promiscuity.
- Teen pregnancy and motherhood.
- Self-inflicted harm.
- Delinquency.
- Decreased school performance and dropout.
- Health problems.
- Suicide
STEP 2 MINIMIZE OPPORTUNITIES
Eliminate or reduce isolated, one-on-one situations to decrease risk for abuse.
- More than 80% of sexual abuse incidents happen in isolated, one-one-one situations with a child.
- Choose group situations and have multiple adults supervise children.
- Scan the physical environment for hidden areas and correct dangers.
- Make sure interactions can be observed and interrupted.
- Remember that older youth should not be in isolated, one-on-one situations with younger children.
STEP 3 TALK ABOUT IT
Have open conversations with children about our bodies, sex, and boundaries.
- Understand why children are afraid to tell.
- The abuser sometimes threatens the child or a family member.
- The abuser may try to confuse the child about right and wrong.
- Many abusers tell children the abuse is “okay” or “a game.”
- The abuser may shame the child, blame the child, or tell the child that his/her parents will be angry.
- Children are afraid of disrupting or hurting their family.
- Some children who did not initially disclose are afraid to tell when it happens again.
- Some children are too young to understand.
- Know how children communicate.
- Children may ask questions about bodies, interactions, or sex, rather than talk directly about something they’ve experienced.
- Children may tell parts of what happened, or pretend it happened to someone else, to check your reaction.
- Children who disclose sexual abuse often tell a trusted adult other than a parent.
- Children will often shut down and refuse to tell more if you respond emotionally or negatively.
One of the best protections is our relationship with children. A great and simple way to talk to children about Prevention of child abuse is to use The Underwear Rule – PANTS by the UK National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children.
STEP 4 RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS
Know the signs of abuse to protect children from further harm.
Learn the signs in children and teens. Physical signs are not common, but the following should be carefully examined by a professional:
- Bruising, bleeding, redness, rashes, bumps or scabs especially around the genitals.
- Urinary tract infections
- Sexually transmitted diseases.
- Abnormal discharge.
- Chronic stomach pain, headaches or other ailments that can’t be explained medically.
- Emotional and behavioral signs are more common.
- Withdrawal.
- Depression.
- Anger, rebellion, defiance.
- Agitation or inability to concentrate.
- Fear of situations or people.
- Sexual behavior and language that are not age-appropriate.
- Falling grades.
- Use of alcohol or drugs, especially at a young age.
- A change in behavior.
Call child protective services or the police in your area. THE MIRABEL CENTRE at the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital (LASUTH) Ikeja is the place to go in Lagos, Nigeria.
Signs don’t always mean sexual abuse, but signs can be a reason to take more interest in the child.
STEP 5 REACT RESPONSIBLY
Understand how to respond to risky behaviors and suspicions or reports of abuse.
There are 3 reasons we need to react to sexual abuse.
- A child discloses it to us.
- We discover it ourselves.
- We have reason to suspect it.
Disclosure
A child has broken through secrecy, fear, and shame and has chosen you as the person he or she trusts enough to tell.
- Honor that with attention, compassion and belief.
- Listen calmly and openly.
- Don’t fill in the gaps, or rush to “get to the bottom of it.”
- Don’t ask leading questions about details.
- Ask only open ended questions like, “What happened next?” Or say, “It’s ok to tell me more.”
- Believe the child.
- Tell the child he’s done nothing wrong.
- Affirm the child’s courage.
- Seek the help of a professional who is trained to talk with the child about sexual abuse.
Few reported incidents are false!
Discovery
You’ve witnessed a sexually abusive act by an adult or youth with a child, or you know by some other way that abuse has taken place.
For example, a friend or coworker may have told you something definitive.
In cases of disclosure or discovery,
- Report immediately to local law enforcement or to child protective services in the county in which the child lives.
- Tell the child’s name and where the child lives.
- Tell the facts. This may include what the child has told you, or behaviors from the alleged offender that you saw.
- Tell what signs you’ve seen in the child.
- Tell what access the alleged offender has to the child.
- And remember, if you’ve discovered child pornography, you’ve discovered sexual abuse.
Suspicion
You’ve seen signs in a child, or you’ve witnessed boundary violations by an adult or youth toward a child. Suspicion means, at a minimum, you need to set some limits or ask some questions.
A bystander is a person who witnesses a boundary violation or sees a situation in which a child is vulnerable.
Bystander Intervention.
- Describe the inappropriate behavior or the boundary violation to the person who has crossed it.
- Set a limit with the person who has crossed the boundary.
- Move on.
People who offend are rarely seen in the act of sexually abusing a child, but they are often seen breaking rules and pressing boundaries.If there is a pattern of boundary violations or you’ve intervened and boundary violations continue, you may have reasonable suspicion. Make a report to the police or child protective services.
Please join us in the fight and protect our children against sexual abuse. We can do it!!! If you want to know more or need clarifications, I will be happy to read your comments or email at askthepaediatricians@gmail.com!